Among the arguments given by the NRA and pro-gun lobby in their fight against gun control is the claim that the right to have guns is God-given. Now, I read through the Bible and found no mention of guns so I was wondering where this belief came from. Taking as few months to peruse the archival records in Europe and Asia, and consulting with experts at the Vatican and various Biblical scholars in Israel and elsewhere I was able to obtain access to the only copy of the Epistle of John to the NRA and found the reference, which I have been given permission to quote as below

FROM THE EPISTLE OF JOHN TO THE NRA , CHAPTER 8, VERSES 3-7

3. The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the ground

4. and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery.

5. In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?”

6.They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him. But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger.

7. When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to shoot an AR-47 at her.”

Note: The NRA may feel free to use this excerpt in it’s literature provided any of it’s members can meet the precondition as set forth by Jesus above.